Downsizing – don’t wait until it’s too late

The sailboat we'd used a half dozen times in the past dozen years was sold during our estate sale.

To downsize or not to downsize, that is the question.

During the past five years, I’ve been paying a lot of attention to these questions. First my 90+ year old parents moved from our family home (theirs for 50+ years) in Forest Lake. The amount accumulated was mind boggling, and the kids and grandkids spent months clearing things out and trying to channel stuff to the appropriate destinations: recycling, garbage, Goodwill or gifts for other family members and friends. Some of the stuff was so hard to part with, it ended up in our garage and basement.

Then a dear friend and colleague who just turned 80 and has no biological children of her own had a healthcare crisis and ended up in rehab for a year. She had to sell her home and rely on others to make decisions on her behalf about her home and belongings.

I lived in a neighborhood populated mostly by people in their 70s and 80s. I’m in my late 60s and calculated that my husband and I had plenty of time to enjoy our house on shore of White Bear Lake. We’d recently retired and traveled a fair amount to visit family. We had a large yard and three dogs – one of which we inherited from my parents.

So when a nearby condo came on the market at a building, which is rarely vacated, we took a look expecting to apologize to the realtor who showed it to us for wasting her time. It came as a shock to realize that we could see ourselves at home there. It had a view of the lake and plenty of room for our little family. We realized that the place would sell fast, so we made an offer.

If you can, pick a downsizing pace that’s comfortable for you

Before we knew it our offer was accepted, our home was sold, and we had to get rid of half of our stuff in less than three months. Unfortunately, I come from a long line of pack rats

According to AI, a pack rat, or woodrat, is a North American rodent known for constructing large, elaborate nests (middens) and hoarding diverse materials, particularly shiny objects, earning it the nickname "trade rat".

Vocabulary.com says the term "pack rat" is also commonly used to describe a person who keeps excessive amounts of belongings and finds it difficult to get rid of items, which describes me to a T.

This is different from hoarding.  People have been using the word hoard as both a verb and as a noun for both "to hide" and "treasure" for centuries. Often keeping provisions a secret comes from not wanting to share during scarcity. And in modern times, there is shame associated with hoarders who can’t move about their homes, due to the great accumulation of stuff that appears to have little value to others.

I bring this up because the decision to downsize is greatly affected by the amount of stuff you need to get rid of and how attached you are to it. In my case, I admit to being greatly attached to stuff for sentimental reasons. And because I lived in my grandparents’ home for more than a dozen years, I had incrementally accumulated more than three generations of stuff.

Beyond that, I was raised by parents who grew up during the Depression. It affected my Dad more than my Mom – he saved enough for many “rainy days”, and he loved to bargain shop. I fear I’ll be using the oatmeal and canned cranberries he left me when he moved to a senior center in Mahtomedi for the next two years.

Physical challenges

For these reasons, I’m glad we started downsizing while we are relatively young. Although, I’d recommend taking far more time than we did to prepare for a move. Due to our short timeframe, I was on my feet for more than 10 hours a day for 30 days. From a pros and cons standpoint, I lost some weight. But my legs and feet were swollen at night, and I was so tired, I often fell asleep with my book in my hand.

Fortunately, my husband and his friends are still able to lift and scale stairs. I had a hip and knee surgery in the past few years and can do it, but not very quickly.

We paid friends to help us

Due to our short timeframe, we knew we couldn’t pack without help. So we turned to some trusted friends who could use a little extra cash. One of whom is more of a pack horse than a pack rat; he did a lot of shuffling of boxes from house to vehicle to condo storage.

If we had taken more time up front, we could have gotten rid of half of the financial documents and memorabilia (definitely my sore spot) before we moved. Another friend, who I used to refer to as my “house husband” when we moved into our house and my husband was working too much to do much around the house, provided emotional support. He kept me going when I wanted to quit and provided guidance when the decision making became overwhelming.

Who knew you could get decision fatigue from something as simple as keep, store or toss?

A planner and organizer by nature, this move challenged me at so many levels. It involved scheduling (my strong suit), budgeting (my husband’s strong suit) and time management (another area I enjoy).

First, I had to imagine us living in the new space and what we would need versus want. We no longer have a garage, shed or basement, so we had to be realistic about how to fit the 50 of the 100 pounds we started with into what I now call “a 10-pound bag” aka the condo.

We also had to juggle making decisions about renovating our new space with emptying our old space.  And we had to purchase a few items we’d never needed before like pee pads and a nanny cam for the dogs.

Find a trusted estate sale professional

In addition to hiring help, one of the best things we did was decide to have an estate sale. Earlier I mentioned that we had accumulated a lot of stuff: there were many pieces of clothes and jewelry we hadn’t worn for years, chairs and tables that sat alone in the basement, record albums that had never been played by us, and a sailboat we had only sailed a half dozen times in the last dozen years.

We hired Michael Taylor, owner of Alley Cats and Pack Rats to manage our estate sale.

Having an estate sale allowed us to leave literally two truckloads of our belongings behind and delegate decision making to professionals who have extensive experience deciding what should dumped, donated or sold. However, friends have mentioned there are unscrupulous companies that prey on the elderly, so please get referrals before you hire an estate sales company to help you.

I did not attend our estate sale. Watching family heirlooms go to new homes was not something I wanted to be on hand for, and I’m sure the estate sale folks prefer not to have owners on hand to interfere with the sales process.

Now that it’s over, I’m trying to focus on the fact that much of what we owned will get better use in new homes – especially a baby grand piano, which did not sell.  Thankfully, our new homeowners helped get it to a nursing home whose piano had recently broken down.

When to downsize is a deeply personal decision, which may involve concerned family members. We didn’t want our kids to go through what we went through with our parents. And I watch friends struggle with their desire for independence versus the realities of aging: we don’t have the capacity to do as much as we used to do, so something has to change.

It’s impossible to know how long you’ll have the physical, intellectual and emotional capacity to downsize. But some of the variables are predictable, based on your health, how your parents aged, how many belongings you have, and whether you have children who will help you stay in your home – I recommend talking frankly with them, rather than assuming they’ll do this. And how much control you want to have over the process of downsizing. Odds are, the younger you are the more control you will have.

Keep your eye on the prize

During the couple days before we made an offer on the condo, I did a back-of-the-napkin estimate of how much living in the condo would cost versus living in the house.  Although there was a hefty HOA fee with the condo, we no longer have lawn mowing, snow plowing or renovation fees. And our taxes have been almost halved. 

The estimated time and financial savings made the decision a no brainer. With our limited time left, we want to spend more time on people and activities we love and less time managing our possessions.